The first time I was betrayed, that I can remember was when I was in the second grade.
He was the neighbors’ kid, and he came for a sleepover.
Before we went to bed, we had to change to our pajamas, and for some reason, I didn’t think to go and change my clothes in another room. I asked him if it’s ok for him that I’ll change in the room, and he said “sure”. I even remember saying “you won’t tell anyone you saw me in my underwear, right?” and he of course nodded his head and swore like kids do. 😬
A few days later, the whole neighborhood already knew.
I remember the moment that I realized everyone knows, the moment my body couldn’t have felt the sense of cringe and burn, and most of all, the feeling of being cheated and betrayed. I acted like I could care less. It’s likely I’ve also felt cheated on and ashamed.
It’s been only over 40 years from that moment. I’ve never shared that with anyone, not even 10 years later, how hurt I was. I judged and blamed myself for taking it so hard, because the levels of self-love I had were still very slimmed.
It’s been only over 40 years from that moment. I’ve never shared that with anyone, not even 10 years later, how hurt I was. I judged and blamed myself for taking it so hard, because the levels of self-love I had were still very slimmed.
In my adult life, I became very cautious with the information I share and expose, but every once in a while, I got carried away and shared, mostly because I longed (and still do) real honest relationships based on true connections. Those types of relationships, that even when things aren’t working out, will still hold to core values. Values of honor, and all it entails.
For me, the term ‘betrayal’ is when we share a period of life with people, we’re close to, and when the relationship hits a bump, we take the permission to share their most intimate secrets as a way of revenge, and sometimes we do it so that other people will know and judge them, and sometimes it’s in order to celebrate ourselves for the “vaults” we possess.
I think when people tell us their most intimate secrets, they trust us.
Every time we break that trust, we hurt ourselves first of all. And why ourselves? Because if you think about it, every time we break our values and we put ourselves in a position that makes us take decisions that ultimately betray us, we are the ones who don’t breathe as well, and breathing not as well is always hurting our own quality of life.
It’s worth agreeing to breathe well 🙌
